Just us
by EmilyEmmy
Summary: 'The kiss was so soft, so sudden, but still full of feelings.' My first story. Rewiew with whatever you want to say about it, I want to know what you think. Rated T for langueage. Oneshot


I had a lot of bounds. Friends. Family. But no one was ever that strong like the one I have with you. That day is still fresh in my mind, like it just happened yesterday. But it was days, weeks, months ago. That warm day on the summer break when you came over at my house. I told my parents you were a friend of mine, but we both know that you are much more. It just wasn't official yet. You gave me a heart-shaped lock but you kept the key. Well, the whole lock-and-key thing wasn't the part that made it so special. It was the part when you said you loved me. I promise, I was dying to tell you the same thing. I still am. But my stupid phone called, and I had to answer. You just smiled sadly at me. But we kept being that type of love-friends. The not official couple. Yet. I keep telling myself that it isn't yet, like you're just going to begin to talk to me after what happened. After that big stupid row that it's killing me every day. I still have the lock, but I guess it doesn't matter, because you probably threw away the key. I hate myself for starting that fight. Of course, I don't expect you to blame yourself on it. Don't take it like a bad thing. It was my fault, all of it. I don't even have an excuse why I did it. I guess I'm worried about you going off in the forbidden forest once a month or more, as you are a marauder. The thought that you might not come back safely scares the shit out of me. I know you wouldn't stop doing it for nothing in the world, as Remus is one of your best friends. But I can't help it, I just don't know what I would do without your hazel eyes lighting up with happiness when you laugh, or when those wonderful lips turn up in a smile. I'd really like to thank you for the lock. It makes me feel safe, because you got the key. Or, I hope you got it anyway.

I'm still trying to figure out what I am going to say about it, that I still got the lock. I want to tell you so badly, but I can't just walk up to you after two months of not talking and thank you for a lock that makes me feel safe because you gave it to me. That would just look creepy.

I looked at you in the halls. You ignored my stare, but I could feel your eyes on me when I looked away. I'm really grateful about the fact that I stared at you, otherwise nothing would have happened. If I didn't stare at you all the time, I would have missed you when you bent down to tie your shoe. I would have missed the silver chain that fell out from your shirt with the key hanging from it. I would never built the courage otherwise, to walk up to you and whisper ''I still got the lock.'' Your eyes wouldn't have met mine otherwise, and all those memories wouldn't come flooding back to us. Otherwise, you would never smile and embrace me with a hug. Just a quick one, then you probably realized what you were doing; hugging the girl who broke you, then you disappeared, leaving me alone.

I started to carry around the lock with me. Not around my neck, it was too heavy for that, but in the school bag. I think you saw it a couple of times, otherwise you wouldn't met my stare and smile at me. I smiled back, before I got the courage to actually talk to you. It was meant to be a normal conversation, maybe about homework, but I found myself begging you for forgiveness. You probably didn't think twice when you kissed me. It was so soft, so sudden, but still full of feelings. Love, forgiveness, confusion, passion. It's kind of amazing how much it _feels_ when two things have contact. Lips, hands, arms, foreheads, cheeks. It's just two existing things that made a physical contact. And still, so much feelings. I didn't have the chance to tell you that I loved you, because your girlfriend showed up just after we stopped kissing. It hurt to see her cry out your name in a high-pitched voice, running to you and ask where you been. Her blonde hair flied behind her in perfect curls. Her navy blue eyes were surrounded by perfect make up. The whole her just screamed perfect. But still, it was too much. The hair was just to perfect, and the skin was too smooth. You greeted her with a quick kiss on the lips. I looked around us, and saw the empty hall. No rumors at least. The blue eyes turned to me, and filled with suspicion. She asked what we were doing. I just brushed it off, said we were discussing homework, I didn't understand some things McGonagall had said. No blushing, no looking at my shoes, no shutter. Just a casual voice, looking into her eyes. She believed me. Then she turned to you, dragging you away. You didn't look back.

You didn't break up with her. It just went on and on, and it's killing me. I started to look at other boys and fond one. Ryan Jones, Gryffindor. He was a sweet guy, handsome look and very kind. But he was too romantic. I wanted adventure. I wanted to laugh, to cry, to scream, to _feel_. It was a very lovey-dovey relationship. No three broomsticks, just Madam Puddifoot. And he called me _flower_. I hate that nickname, because you used to say it to tease me, but now is a relationships-name. Like honey, or darling. I called him sweetie, just to try the limits. He didn't complain, like I know you would. He just smiled with a kind of proudness. Like a relationship is a kind of list. _Step 8: Cute nicknames_. Shit, this is really killing me.

I'm going to try his limits. Being a bitch, ignore him; say that I'm busy when he asks me out, things like that. If that don't work, then I better start to friend zone him. That will stop him.

This guy doesn't know what limits are. I tried everything, but he doesn't bug. He's stuck to me like a freaking tattoo. And he stills calls me flower. He's probably in a bet. Yeah, that's probably why. It's dark now, and we been going out for a half year maybe. Just around this corner, then I'll be at the kitchens. Step and then stop. He's snogging some Huffelpuff girl. Yes! Now listen to the romantic type, I can explain flower yada yada yada. I played the drama queen, with all the don't call me that, it's over! I'm free! Yay!

You're still with her. And she just jumped around the hall, nearly screaming out that you shagged. You're not there thought. Sirius asked me where you were. I didn't know. He shrugged and walked away.

You're ill. You don't know that your girlfriend just lied about you two. I told you. You broke up with her. We're both free now. But you avoid me. What did I do wrong?

I got the key this morning. From you. In a letter with that small note. It told me to open the lock with it. I did as you said. Your voice came out from it.

''Hi Lily. It's James. I know that you probably wondering a lot of things now. Like, why am I avoiding you? Why did I kiss you? Well, the answer to those is following; I'm scared. I'm fucking scared to death. Scared about what? Us. I tried to catch your attention for five years. Then suddenly, we became friends. Then, I decided to risk it all. I gave you this lock, told you I loved you. I do, really. But I'm scared to. What if I lose you? What if it just doesn't go well? There's a war going on. You're muggleborn, I'm pureblood. Don't think I'm being all blood status-freak now; it's just not a good combination in these times. You know, it could kill the life we could have together. It's just… I really can't live if I know that you're in danger. I mean, with this entire dark lord thing right now, you probably would be in danger anyway. I'm just talking right now; I have no bloody idea about what I'm saying I guess. But yeah, I really love you. Don't you dare ever forget that. Well… yeah… don't forget it ever. Your beautiful, and seeing you sad makes me sad. Seeing you happy makes me happy. I really hope you understand all that I'm saying. Bye.''

Lily Evans got up from where she sat and walked down to the common room. She looked around herself. No James. Then she went out, looking in the whole castle. The last place to look, was the astronomy tower. He was there. She ran to him, hugging him tightly.

''I don't care if being with you sets me in more danger that I'm already is in, I love you and being with you is all that matters.'' She said. Then she kissed him. And it was the best kiss ever.

Lily and James. James and Lily. Two normal people, just in love. Longing after adventure, after feelings. Soul mates, meant to be. Perfect for each other. In love. And it was all that really mattered.


End file.
